Healthy Anger: Reclaiming Power Without Losing Control
- Talisa Haskins
- 14 hours ago
- 2 min read
Reclaiming Power Without Losing Control
Written by Talisa Haskins
When we talk about men’s mental health, one emotion often gets pushed to the front—anger. It’s the one feeling many men have been socially permitted to express, yet it’s also the one most misunderstood. For many, anger feels like something to fear, avoid, or suppress—either burning too hot or buried too deep. But what if we reframed it? What if anger isn’t the problem, but how we’ve learned to handle it is?
The Problem Isn’t Anger—It’s Disconnection
Anger is a normal, human emotion. It signals that something matters—something feels unjust, painful, or threatening. The trouble is, many men have been conditioned to disconnect from other core emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability. As a result, anger can become the go-to outlet when deeper feelings don’t feel safe to express.
Rather than labeling anger as “bad,” we can ask:
What is this anger protecting? What’s underneath it?
Often, the answer is hurt, shame, or a need that’s gone unmet.
What Healthy Anger Looks Like
Healthy anger isn’t about yelling, bottling it up, or shutting down. It’s about:
Naming it: “I’m angry because I felt disrespected,” rather than just slamming a door.
Owning it: Taking responsibility for your reaction, without blaming others.
Using it: Anger can be fuel for setting boundaries, advocating for yourself, or initiating change—without harming yourself or others.
Healthy anger is assertive, not aggressive. It’s expressed with clarity and calm, not chaos or cruelty.
Tools for Working with Anger
Here are a few strategies to get started:
Pause before reacting – When you feel the surge, take a breath. Get curious instead of reactive.
Name what’s underneath – Ask: Am I actually feeling embarrassed, unheard, or rejected?
Move your body – Physical activity can help metabolize the physiological intensity of anger.
Talk to someone – Therapy, support groups, or trusted friends can help you process without judgment.
Learn to set boundaries – Often, anger is a signal that your limits have been crossed. Boundaries protect your peace.
Redefining Strength
Real strength isn’t about bottling things up or exploding—it’s about knowing yourself well enough to express emotions in a way that builds connection, not conflict. Healthy anger can be a tool for change, not destruction.
This Men’s Mental Health Month, we invite you to reflect on your relationship with anger. What did you learn growing up? What would it look like to handle anger in a way that builds—not breaks—trust with yourself and those you care about?
At The Journey Counselling and Psychotherapy, we support men in exploring emotions with curiosity, not shame. Therapy is a place to learn new tools, rewrite old patterns, and lead from a place of strength and self-awareness.
Ready to start your journey?
Explore our therapists and find your perfect match today!
Kommentare